You know what else feels eerily similar to 2005? This silence/disconnection, but from you, this time. My ghosting back then was a product of fear, exasperation, impatience, faithlessness, and doubt. So maybe you’re checking some or all of those boxes now, but I can tell you this – the remedy will always be putting faith in God first, above all. From there, I wouldn’t have been riddled with doubt. Obviously I was ruled by the world back then, or else we would have kept our child. Given your written missives last fall, I’m convinced you’re still ruled by the world. “Eli,” I love you and I will not give up until I KNOW you’re going to heaven. I realize that there may not be room for me romantically in that outcome. 20 years ago, part of my logic was that you’d be better off without me, as I spiraled downward. I didn’t believe in spiritual things or see any “business case” for a personal relationship with God. I was a bad person, but now I am born again. So, yes, I’m extremely late with this epiphany, but thankfully, Jesus hasn’t come back yet. In 2019, when I made that wimpy attempt to reconnect, I felt I was generally an ok person, doing, “more good than harm,” but I was still sinning freely. After the events of the last 2 years, I am now filled with purpose. I follow God because there’s no other way, and I need to know you’re going to be okay, in that regard.
